I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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