I want to make a zoo with you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
