the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
