k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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