And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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