And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I smell like Dick and happiness
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
