he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
