I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
