is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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