The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
