Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
