Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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