Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Floor bacon is actually really good
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
