i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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