i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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