He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
