Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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