when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
