We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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