dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize