pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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