i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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