Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i think i just lost a toe
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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