Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
