If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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