are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
