my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
