is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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