you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize