Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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