I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
