i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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