Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
