Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
