shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
