I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
