i think my tv is drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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