There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
