Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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