Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
