Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
