at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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