Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
