His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
