she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
