Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
