So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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