So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
