dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
