You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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