the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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