ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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