I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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