So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
