In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
