I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
