You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
