Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
