So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
MIDGETS
????
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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