I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
