So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
