I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
