I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
