It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
