And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
