PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
