If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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