Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
